Complaints and Greivances

I have done some serious contemplating, and have decided to shift away from the world of sports and entertainment for just a moment to discuss society in general. Undoubtedly, the daily grind of life takes its toll on everyone, and while grinding, there are an infinite number of mildly annoying acts engaged in by others that we could all do without. Because the acts that fall under this category are so numerous, there is no point of going in depth about ones such as, ‘that hood ass dude on the bus or subway who listens to hardcore, unedited rap (mostly Plies) songs on the mp3 player on his phone loud enough for everyone to hear.’

No, I have decided to focus on complaints and grievances that directly affect the readers of this blog every day. By highlighting these activities, and describing the psyche and motives of the people who engage in them, I hope to create awareness and dialogue about these annoyances, thus encouraging the readers of this blog to act. Furthermore, I will provide an example of an individual who I am imploring to cease from exercising in said behavior.

Far from Socially Acceptable: Unprovoked, unnecessary voluntary shirt removal. I attribute much of this unfortunate phenomenon to advent of the bench press and its establishment as an essential apparatus in most health clubs and weight rooms. Bench pressing is the ultimate power lifting exercise for the upper body, thus the exercise becomes a focal point of any workout routine intended to produce jacked“ness”. While it is effective in that respect, it has a direct relationship with incidents of unprovoked, unnecessary voluntary male shirt removal.

As a person who used to struggle from this debilitating disorder, I must say that it can take over your entire state of mind. After a couple sets of bench pressing, maybe even maxing out, you just can’t help but look for an opportunity to rid yourself of those clothes. Somehow, the time you spent on that damn bench confuses you into thinking that your already revealing sleeveless tee is now confining. An individual who regularly engages in this activity will often seek out the nearest opportunity where removing a shirt is considered socially acceptable. However, these attempts are usually feeble as the urge to remove the shirt is often stronger than need to find a situation that legitimizes the behavior.

Thus what we’re left with is a rather meager attempt to show off newly acquired muscle. And more often than not, the response to such behavior tends to be negative. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure if 9 football players entered a room full of prospective women, they’d be more than happy to see their shirts removed. But the variety of shirt removal I’m crusading against is unprovoked, and quite contrived. Here’s how to keep a look out for individuals who suffer from this disorder, please point it out when you see these tell tale signs.

“All this hoopin has made this shirt useless”—this tactic can be observed in its most natural environment at the Ray Meyer student center at DePaul University in Chicago. The individual that relies on this move plays pickup basketball on a regular basis at DePaul and has no doubt noticed that a significant amount of gorgeous girls frequent the gym to exercise as well. He’s usually single, as such a feeble attempt at running game is only acceptable to those trying to cast a wide net. Moving on, the individual simply cannot play more than two games of basketball without removing his shirt and immediately at the end of a game and walking to an area of the gym where men and women often share a small space. (i.e. the water fountain, the area connecting the indoor track and basketball course) The most notable aspect of this tactic is that the shirtless individual walks to and from the designated area as if his “shirtlessness” is completely normal given the fact that he was playing ball just now. He walks confidently, avoiding eye contact with each woman, but at the same time slowly enough so that every woman gets that all important look.

I must admit when I first observed this operation, I didn’t think twice as I was in Lincoln park, near Fullerton avenue, I figured someone was headed to the beach. Then I looked out the window and quickly realized it wasn’t beach season as it was snowing outside, middle of January. The same shirt you hooped in, is more than sufficient to accompany you on your trip to the water fountain.—Gio Martinez

“Can I borrow a towel?”—This guy bench presses often and works out constantly, he goes on a lot of college visits, and subsequently he takes a lot of showers. However, he never brings his own towel, thus allowing him with plenty of shirtless face time with his host when it comes time to ask for one. This person will often remove his shirt at the slightest inclination of future showering, and then parade around shirtless until someone, preferably a hot girl provides him with a towel. After the shower, the individual will be sure return the towel in a timely fashion, such as DIRECTLY AFTER HE USES IT, ensuring that he will be seen shirtless a second time during the towel return exchange.-----Joseph Dunigan III

“No, I’ll just change right here.”—This tactic is usually deployed by an individual in a large group of people containing more than one woman, and they must be sitting in the same room. It’s important that the entire group is preparing to go to common place. (This practice has become an epidemic at many a pregame.) The guy in this situation will often make a big fuss about where the group is going, what his fellow guys are wearing, and whether or not he should change. (Those who use this tactic are often a little metro about what clothes they wear, as well as being a meat head due to their recent benching pressing.)

No one engages him in this discussion, naturally because no one cares. So soon, the subject will take it upon himself to get down to business, the shirt removal. He’ll start the process by saying something like “Well if all you guys are wearing polos, I’m not gonna wear a T-shirt, I’m gonna put on a collar.” He’ll then walk to an area where his clothes are located, but he WILL NOT CHANGE CLOTHES IN THAT ROOM, no sure enough he will return to the room with the new shirt in hand, and remove the shirt he is wearing for 3-7 seconds of no shirt time for all to see. Then the individual changes shirts as if his intentional, but unnecessary torso display went unnoticed.—Jamie Lepri

Honorable mentions:

Jogging in public while shirtless—White people
Barbecueing Shirtless, but with a grilling apron on—Black people
Driving while shirtless—Scumbags

Being shirtless in a room of moderate temperature for absolutely no reason—Rob Burc, Joe Dunigan

The purpose of this rant was education, call em how you see em, and do not accept it because it is after all, far from socially acceptable.