THOROUGH THURSDAYS
Dateline: Me in the car, driving to the gym last night. Too much Kiss FM.
Keeping it thorough is always important on Thursdays, and I am compelled to spit out a thorough explanation of why music is so garbage right now. Somewhere along the line, music genre lines became distorted. And the music industry is apparently full of line steppers, to borrow a phrase from Charlie Murphy, they’re “habitual line-steppers”, I mean they just love crossing over. And the crossover song, in my opinion, has bastardized the music that young people listen to. Particularly, hip hop.
Now there is nothing wrong with crossovers, in which the best of two sounds come together, i.e. rock and rap, blues and gospel, folk and punk. Often times, two artists from two different genres collaborating can produce some of the best music ever heard. But since the turn of the millennium, there have simply been far too many attempts to make this happen. I don’t know if it’s the labels, the A.R.’s or the actual artists who are responsible, but every Tom, Dick, and Harry, as well as every Kim Sue, and Sally that’s ever picked up a microphone is getting too creative for their own, and everybody else’s good.
Crossover songs have produced greatness in the past. But the failed attempts at this greatness far outnumber the successes. My problem is that somehow, these failures keep making records, and somehow I keep hearing them. For example. I hate Dave Matthews Band, but that band is unbelievably talented and the definition of crossover success, combining folk plus rock, and the unique talents of all its members to dominate the music touring world throughout the 90s. But for every DMB, there’s about 30 James Blunts….take Kid Rock, he is the definition of the genre Rock-Rap. He was a trailer-home kid in Detroit who found a way to become the only white rap DJ in clubs that happened to be in the hardest parts of town. Apparently, he showed someone he could rhyme and Jive records brought him a raw ass band with a hilarious midget, and then he rapped over rock beats and 6th-8th graders ate it up. Great story, but for every Kid Rock there’s about 55 Uncle Crackers, Limp Bizkits, and Papa Roaches.
Midgets with microphones often hilarious as depicted in this photo of Kid Rock and his stage sidekick/mentor, Joe C______________________
Forget the artists themselves, what about the songs, in 1986, Run DMC and Aerosmith performed probably the most memorable crossover recording of all time, when they produced Walk this Way. It may sound corny by today’s standards, but rap and rock had really never been presented in the same song, and now it made black people admit that a lot of rock sounds great and love of hip hop is no reason to distance yourself from rock….it also normalized white people into thinking that rap is a major genre, not some underground fad as it was considered at the time. The song was raw because they didn’t even have to call it a damn remix, it was just a good song, and Diddy was not heard in the beginning, middle, or end constantly reminding the listener that the song is in fact a remix.…..but (and this is my major point with this rant), for every Walk this Way, there’s 1000 Right Rounds, by Flo-Rida
Right Round is one of the shittiest songs I have ever heard in the world, ever. And it’s not because I personally don’t like its beat, or its lyrics. It is just a feeble, corny ass attempt to take a wak hair band song from the 80s and turn it into the next rap-pop crossover. It sounds bad, it feels bad, and it tastes even worse. Have you ever tried to sing along to it? It leaves that dry, unsweetened, Diet Dr. Pepper aftertaste.
The song I just described is currently number 1 on the Billboard 100. Number 1!..T.I. and Justin Timberlake’s (two actually talented artists) Dead and Gone is number 2. That is completely egregious to me and cause for concern. I’m not hating on Flo-Rida for making music and selling records, I respect his hustle. But the Billboard 100 is based on airplay and record sales, AND FLO RIDA’S CD HAS NOT EVEN COME OUT YET. Meaning that based on how much we want to hear his blindingly horrible remake of Dead or Alive’s gust-bustlingly horrible original song, it is far and away the most popular song in America.
In the past 3 years, Right Round by Flo Rida, Crank that Soulja Boy, by Soulja Boy tell Em’ and Bad Day by Daniel Powter have spent hella time at the number 1 spot. I know we’re a nation that loves music, but these are all such agreeably terrible songs that if we heard them a year from now on the radio in 2010, we’d switch to the AM frequency. I’m on a crusade against Right Round and Flo-Rida, but there’s little I can do because Flo-Rida is number one according to America….sidebar—he’s clearly on HGH or anabolic steroids as well.
Right Round is one of the shittiest songs I have ever heard in the world, ever. And it’s not because I personally don’t like its beat, or its lyrics. It is just a feeble, corny ass attempt to take a wak hair band song from the 80s and turn it into the next rap-pop crossover. It sounds bad, it feels bad, and it tastes even worse. Have you ever tried to sing along to it? It leaves that dry, unsweetened, Diet Dr. Pepper aftertaste.
The song I just described is currently number 1 on the Billboard 100. Number 1!..T.I. and Justin Timberlake’s (two actually talented artists) Dead and Gone is number 2. That is completely egregious to me and cause for concern. I’m not hating on Flo-Rida for making music and selling records, I respect his hustle. But the Billboard 100 is based on airplay and record sales, AND FLO RIDA’S CD HAS NOT EVEN COME OUT YET. Meaning that based on how much we want to hear his blindingly horrible remake of Dead or Alive’s gust-bustlingly horrible original song, it is far and away the most popular song in America.
In the past 3 years, Right Round by Flo Rida, Crank that Soulja Boy, by Soulja Boy tell Em’ and Bad Day by Daniel Powter have spent hella time at the number 1 spot. I know we’re a nation that loves music, but these are all such agreeably terrible songs that if we heard them a year from now on the radio in 2010, we’d switch to the AM frequency. I’m on a crusade against Right Round and Flo-Rida, but there’s little I can do because Flo-Rida is number one according to America….sidebar—he’s clearly on HGH or anabolic steroids as well.
