Many guys may have steered clear from the chick flick starring Julia Roberts, My Best Friends Wedding. Nonetheless the movie's subliminal message was understood loud and clear: men and women can not be best friends. Sure friendships between the sexes can and do exist and at some point these friends may even believe they are best friends. But that's all a farce. There are a few reasons why the sexes can not maintain strictly platonic and close relationships.
FEELINGS- Guys have feelings too, so this is not a calling out of women. Instead it is only an acknowledgement that it's natural for someone to develop some type of feelings in this situation. As best friends spend countless hours together, many of which without strife. During this time they easily open up and share their most intimate thoughts, feelings and experiences. How can anyone avoid this trap? Zack and Miri couldn't.SEX- Between the sexes there is nothing that muddles the waters more. After having been broken up for quite some time, Jerry and Elaine decided to get back into bed together after coming across some porn. Having sex once then threatened their friendship as they thought they would try dating. Only to once again realize they weren't a good couple. Having sex made them reconsider what they had already deemed a bad decision. For those friends who have not dated before and/or do not have their lives preordained by a group of writers, sex can be much more damaging.
SIGNIFICANT OTHERS- If the umbrella being cast now still has you in the rain, no worries, you will be dry soon. Once you enter a relationship you have symbolically said that this person is the best member of the opposite sex for me. So that leaves your 'best friend' in second place. When your best friend is the same sex, this is not a problem because nothing is really expected to change between the two of you. Whereas now you can not be taking calls from a member of the opposite sex past midnight, especially while with your partner. Those long nights just hanging out alone are now put under the microscope as well. And the bottom line here is there are just too many expected or necessary changes to be made in order to keep things afloat with your partner. For example, if you have seen, You, Me & Dupree then you would know that the only way that is happening is if Dupree is a man. Because regardless of how down and out Owen Wilson was, had his name been Owena or Duprina, Kate Hudson is telling Matt Dillon, "NO. NEVER."
Now by no stretch of the imagination am I discouraging opposite sex friendships, but let's be realistic here. Everyone fooled around on Friends and since art is often an imitation of life (often without any real consequences) why do so many people insist they are so different? If you think you are one of the immune, please elaborate.
5 comments:
I am on the fence with this one.
As my good friend Turtle told once told us is such simple terms, "girls who are friends, are just girls you have not fucked yet". And yes, if your girl friend is good looking, im sure everyone has thought about what it would be like to at least see them naked.
but this topic is so much more complicated then that--
But i also think that if your not sexually attracted to ur opposite sex best friend, then there is nothing to worry about. i have a few girl friends, and some i do consider to be my best friends. they provide a different perspective on certain situation, that ur same sex friends cant. and some times it just refreshing to talk about something other than sports, girls, and booze. (no offense guys).
Beans, your argument is sound, well thought out, and for the most part dead on. But when you say "guys and girls CANT be best friends", I think ur alluding to a thought process that determines what is socially acceptable for men and women, ur much of that thought process is based on generalizations. Ur examples are good, but they are based largely on what is deemed accepatble by the standards of "feelings" the standards of sex, and the standards of significant others....but ill giv u a hypothetical that disproves this...and shows u why ur thought process here is skewed
And as far as significant others goes, yes, that is a strain that makes any platonic relationship between a man and a woman extremely difficult. But certainly not impossible. The fact is, as someone's significant other, you would hope that you are the first option whn it comes to anything the opposite sex can provide but this is a flawed way of thinking, thus i will end on this hypotetical for perspective.....
if a man, let's say his name is "Dave", gets laid off from his job, often times the last person he'll want to see is his wife. He is scared about his financial situation, and emasculated as his ability to provide has been diminished. Instead of going straight home, he drowns his sorrows with his best friend Corey's apartment.
Corey is Dave's best friend. And Corey was laid off a year ago but was able to rebound and is now gainfully employed. Dave chose to go to Corey's aprtment instead of straight home because he was not prepared for the anxiety that would ensue after breaking the bad news to his wife. As much as she loves him, she would be disappointed and worried because her wellbeing largely depends on him being able to work in this recession.
But Corey, ever the best friend, opens the door to Dave and reminds him to remain fervent in his search for job stability and to appear confident for his family's sake. Corey lets Dave know that his wife is not going to leave him and instills the esteem in him necessary to return home, tell his family that he will begin lookin for new work tom and that everything will be OK. Dave returns home, does just that, and eventually finds work in a month and his family is straight financially.
Corey was extremely reliable. Corey was a great best friend in a time of need, and Corey helped Dave return confidently to a family he thoguht he couldnt face. Corey is a girl beans and there is nothing wrong with that.
Sure, Dave's wife dislikes the fact that Corey is a woman. She would much rather her husband confide in her after such a moment that another person of the female gender.....but THAT is simply the "standard" of relationships between men and women....and there are exceptions to every socially perceived rules.....the comfort and confidence Dave got from Corey is just as real, just as compassionate, and just as PLATONIC as that of any one of Dave's male friends....so tell me why there's an inherent problem with that friendship coming from a woman.
Dave and Corey don't have to hang out by themselves in order to be best friends. They don't have to conspire to see each other behind their significant others backs. They can simply be there in times of crisis, like when Dave got laid off. And wife that wouldnt understand the value of a friend like Corey is insecure and incapable of looking at the big picture.....MEN and WOMEN can be best friends...its just difficult and that's why it's so rare
it all comes down to trust. the bases for any relationship. there is no need to get upset or jealous if u trust ur significant other not to take the opposite sex friendship to the next level.
but also -- it depends on the level of trust the actually person has in himself. can he, and will be refrain from such actions? if the a man or a woman is fully confident he would never cheat on his significant other, and their partner trusts them, i dont see why a friendship with the opposite sex cannot survive.
I'm reminded of a song by dear old biz markie called just a friend...
I called her room, a guy picked up, and then I called again I said, "Yo, who was that?" "Oh, he's just a friend" Don't gimme that, don't even gimme that Jus' bust this.... You, you got what I need but you say he's just a friend And you say he's just a friend, oh baby....So I came to her room and opened the door. Oh, snap! Guess what I saw?
A fella tongue-kissin' my girl in the mouth,
I was so in shock my heart went down south
So please listen to the message that I send
Don't ever talk to a girl who says she just has a friend
Would Anonymous feel the same way if the sexes were flip-flopped?
I hate that the men on this blog imply that only a woman would be jealous if her man was going to another girl's place. Guys would be just as jealous if they're chick had a best friend who was a guy and this is why...
I guarantee that any girl who feels close enough to a guy to call him her best friend, has thought about what it would be like to kiss him, date him, she's prob imagined him as her husband, father of their unborn children, etc. She will either always secretly hope he will come to his senses and date her OR she will start dating someone else and become his best friend because any relationship hopes that their significant other will become the best friend of all their best friends.
Just a tangent - best means number one, top, highest.... no matter how many close friends you have, there is always THE BEST FRIEND - not multiple... bests is not a word.
The problem I have with Anonymous' scenario is that one of the things that drives any relationship to a next level is crisis. Regardless of trust, getting through a crisis like losing your job automatically brings two people closer together, it causes you to see the relationship in a whole new light and could turn the most faithful man into a cheater. It shows that you trust that person the most to get you through the darkest and most miserable obstacles in your life.
Relying on someone other than your significant other to get you through a crisis is a red flag that there is a huge problem in that marriage/relationship and its only amplified by the fact that you're husband would rather rely on another woman to calm him and convince him everything is going to be ok. Sounds like the kind of comfort you get from someone you are very intimate with. The kind of intimacy that should not be shared by a man and woman who are stictly "just friends".
Bottom line, I am in agreeance with Beans. Opposite sexes cannot be BEST friends.
i've never personally had it work, or seen it work. like others are saying, there's a difference between friends and best friends and if you're that close to someone there's no way that sex isn't going to cross one of your minds throughout the friendship and just that simple thought can be enough to fuck it up.
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