5 Steps

Tuesday Tutorials: How to Be a Successful Woman in Today's World
Dateline--I Should Probably be trying to figure out how to be a successful Man

Every now and then I try to speak outside my realm of expertise and experience. Seeing as how I am an expert on nothing and have experienced quite little, this may seem like a common occurrence. Be that as it may, I think it’s important for me to do so because letting people know how YOU see things provides insight and perspective. Thus, being the progressive thinker that I am, I wanted to break down the gender barrier for today and offer you what I think are the most important attributes essential to becoming a successful woman.

Keep in mind successful and attributes are relative terms as this is a list and all lists are debatable. I did some searching in some common media outlets under heading like “most successful women” top ten wealthiest women, top 20 most famous women etc…I used their lists and the people on them to determine the 5 discernable traits that give women the best chance to succeed. Then I combined that with my own opinions and experiences with successful women and have compiled for you, a debatable, but pretty accurate top 5. So here is a world’s tutorial for how to be a successful woman.



Jessica Simpson: Hot, but not good at anything else.

1. Be Hot…of course that’s number one. I don’t want to hear any dissention for the attribute that claims the number one spot. It’s a man’s world, and men love beautiful women. In fact, women love beautiful women. This is one of the few points I will ever make without using a concrete example because the examples are all around us. People are shallow, inherently, some more than others, but its part of our society.
If you have ever have spoken to any man 20-60 years old who has been in charge of some type of hiring process at a job somewhere, you know, probably from him telling you, that looks are a qualification as real as any other on a resume. Case closed. The advantages are undeniable.


Christy Walton: Wal-Mart Fortune...thanks bro. I appreciate it.

2. Marry well(date well also, it's a life long practice)…..yes, I am sure I’ll catch some heat for this one, but a huge measure of success is wealth, and the 10 wealthiest women in the world are all heiresses and widows. There is tremendous value in getting in on the ground floor and women who do it properly never have to work a day in their lives. Now I’m not talking celebrity chasing, getting married then get a divorce and land a big settlement, that’s hardly success, (though it’s a viable option for wealth) I’m talking about Christy Walton who inherited the Wal-Mart fortune from her husband after his death. As soon as you do that, the sky is the limit because wealth doesn’t always get passed down to the sons of the family so its wealth for women for the next couple generations.The richest woman in the world, Lillian Bettencourt, is simply the daughter of the French billionaire who ran L’Oreal before he died. If you are a girl and you meet a guy who has some savvy business idea, it is imperative you hear him out. Because if he ever does make money off it, all he’ll want to do is give it to you when he kicks the bucket. Sustainable wealth is a great barometer of success.


Afghanistan: I'm not being prejudice because that derives from pre-judge.
I'm straight up judging, this country is wak.

3. Don’t be born in the Middle East (particularly Afghanistan or Saudi Arabia)…..sorry to tap into a hot button issue, but just as being hot and marrying the right spouse are huge advantages, being born in a conservative Muslim nation is a HUGE disadvantage. Now Muslim countries aren’t the only nations with backwards rules that apply and policies that are unfair to women, the U.S. has plenty in practice. But as I said, it’s a man’s world; many of those hurdles come with the territory when you’re born a woman. But when you’re born a woman in Afghanistan or Saudi Arabia, you’re getting the short end of the stick right there. At least if you’re a Shiite. In Afghanistan a law is set to be put in place that is believed to contain articles that rule women cannot leave the house without their husbands' permission, that they can only seek work, education or visit the doctor with their husbands' permission, and that they cannot refuse sex with their husband. In Saudia Arabia, a girl as young as 10 years old can be arranged by her father to be married to a man of any age. It’s a common practice often used to settle a father’s debt. So when rape and child molestation are legalized, it’s got to be hard to get ahead in life.

Oprah Winfrey: Wrote the book on telling other women to go
buy other books

4. Tell other women how to spend their money….Your Oprah Winfreys, your Martha Stewarts this is where some serious bank and serious prominence can be made. Women statistically, spend more money than men, they buy more stuff, and the stuff they buy is more expensive. Thus, instead of being entrepreneurs who made one product and told women to go buy it,….they established themselves as representatives for the every-day woman, and told them how to spend their money across all areas and products. Oprah even told women which president to vote for. Don’t think it didn’t help.
Brains: No caption neceessary

5. Be Smart….some people may think I’m being chauvinistic placing intelligence this low on the list,…but intelligence would have been just as low had this list been about men. Simply being intelligent, in my opinion, does not give a woman any better of an advantage than the other aforementioned talents. There are thousands of examples of unsmart women with no discernable talent, who are successful beyond their wildest dreams. Perfect example…..Octo-Mom….hate on her all you want for trying to be Angelina in every way, but when that reality show gets approved…her bills are going to be paid. If it does well, she will actually be able to care for those 14 kids. And when it gets really popular, john and Kate are going to be mad as hell because their little 8 are going to seem like peanuts and no one will care. But then again, I guess HAVING the 8 kids is what makes Octo Mom so smart in the first place…hmmm.